Typically, I am extremely calculated with what I say on Twitter/Facebook. Gone are the days of spewing whatever idiocies spring to mind, because present are the days of networking and attempting never to look as dumb as professional athletes commonly do. There is no filter on social networking sites, but the filter in my brain works just fine.
Unless of course...
Mixing a few spirits with some college football has never been an issue. But, the institution formerly known as Oklahoma A&M has never drilled the Sooners by 34 points, either. For those whom I offended, I apologize — unless Landry Jones is reading this, in which case I'M STILL BEGGING YOU TO GO PRO. Here is a running time line of the events, and an explanation/apology for what took place on Saturday night.
6:27 p.m.: Katie and I arrive at Buffalo Wild Wings, where I assume that I'll be settling in for the long haul. LSU is in the midst of a second half route of Georgia, and I am feeling extremely vindicated about it because... well, because I'm self-absorbed and I enjoy being right.
6:38 p.m.: I'm kicking things off with Red Bull and vodka. "Uh oh," says Katie. 'Uh oh' is right.
6:58 p.m.: The BWW remote control controller has officially opened the Cabinet 'O Cable Boxes. All big TV's are being switched to Bedlam. The B1G and ACC championships are relegated to normal-sized screens. All is well.
8:14 p.m.: Dejuan Miller drops his third pass in four possessions. On a purely coincidental side note, I am on my fourth beer in as many possessions. Yelling at the television no longer suffices. I head to Facebook: "Why hasn't Dejuan played more over the course of his career? Oh that's right. Because he's a WIDE RECEIVER with no HANDS." Those of you familiar with my position on Miller know that this admission was extremely painful for me. Three years ago, I thought he was going to be a star.
8:20 p.m.: Demontre Hurst drops an interception. He looks shocked. I am not shocked. Back to Facebook: "Don't worry Demontre. No one actually expected you to make a play." Katie suggests I switch from bottles to tall glasses. "Less trips for the waiter," she reasons. I agree.
8:27 p.m.: 'Uh oh.' Landry (expletive) Jones coughs up his first fumble of the contest. I'm fuming. Facebook won't do the trick. I need for this to be personal. Twitter, it is: "Has @LandryJones12 declared for the draft yet?? Please go pro. I'm begging you." There. I showed him.
8:35 p.m.: With just a couple of text messages, Dylan is fanning the flames. Admittedly, it doesn't take much. "KLEIN RAN ALL OVER THEM! LET'S GET THE BELL RINGIN," he says. I agree, and I'm getting sloppy. "Hey Heup. @deeyung knows that we should be using Bell. (KSU Klein?) WHY DON'T YOU?" Clearly, I was inspired by his use of caps lock. If only Josh Heupel had a Twitter.
8:44 p.m.: Hunnicut bangs a 48-yarder through the uprights as the first half clock expires. 24-3, Pokes. I've seen enough. I'm so angry that I'm taking it out on our waiter. I attempt to tip him $5 on a $38 tab. Katie turns the 5 into an 8. God bless her.
9:52 p.m.: I've resolved to ignoring the remainder of this one, but my cousin didn't get the memo. "I'm trying to think positive thoughts, like 'enjoy your 18th win'... but this sucks," she says. I couldn't agree more. Thankfully, even with a compromised filter, I spend the next five minutes venting to her in private before...
9:58 p.m.: "This team is an embarrassment. Plain and simple. OSU's D is ranked 107th in the country. 2000 is history. Heup should be held accountable." It may not seem like much now. But the fact that I was able to so eloquently berate our play caller at this point in the evening was no small accomplishment.
9:59–10:13 p.m.: It's 44-3. Any self-respecting Oklahoma fan would have the wherewithal to graciously shut up. In other news, I should've put my phone away an hour ago. I haven't, and my Facebook news feed is showing me a handful of snarky posts from bitter Walmart OU fans. The goal, I assume, was to deflect attention off of 44-3 by using 82-18-7. That leads to...
10:14 p.m.: "I'm already sick of those of you slighting OSU. The last nine years don't matter to them right now anymore than the last decade mattered to us in 2000. OSU kicked our ass and it wasn't a fluke. And if we don't get our shit together it'll be them talking ab the "past nine years" pretty soon. Accountability." The "past nine years" obviously refers to the fact that, on Saturday night, the Pokes won for the first time in nine seasons.
10:15 p.m.–2:18 a.m.: Thankfully, Dickson St. provided ample distraction. At some point during this time, Kenny Stills tweets: "Expected all the negativity... Love the man above, my team, family, and all the true fans out there... Regroup and get a bowl win." Tony Jefferson tweets: "Not hanging our head down. Didnt play well like we shouldve. Bowl game and so on. Preciate the good and bad tweets... N 2 the peeps who keep tweetin me n @KSTiLLS4 saying if we didn't tweet so much we'd play better? Shutup? That doesn't even make sense lol."
2:19 a.m.: I'm mad at everyone. I'm mad at players like Stills and Jefferson, I'm mad at fans like the ones I called out four hours ago, I'm mad at ESPN, I'm even mad at Michael Smith and Michelle Beadle for some reason...
2:20 a.m.: "@KSTiLLS4 @tonyjefferson1 "to all the 'tru fans' were cool. Just gonna go 1/2 ass the holiday bowl. Dont get mad tho. No1 gets mad n Cali."
2:21 a.m.: "@espn @MrMichael_Smith @MichelleDBeadle how come were being force fed LSU/Bama by TNT worldwide leader? 44-10? At least let it play out... scrolling "LSU vs. Bama" on the bottom line b4 OSU even kicked off. Propaganda much?"
2:34 a.m.: Finally, mercifully, I have passed out...
As for the apology portion of this arrangement... I apologize for my occasionally ignorant vocabulary and for attacking players, and most of all, I apologize to Michelle Beadle. She's a nice lady, and I have no idea why I involved her.
As for the explanation... let's be clear... nothing I said on Saturday was untrue or off the mark.
• KSU's Colin Klein ran 29 times for 144 yards and three touchdowns vs. OSU. ISU's Jared Barnett ran 14 times for 84 yards in the upset in Ames. Blake Bell carried once, on the Sooners' last offensive play of the game. Oh, by the way, it went for a 28-yard touchdown. So, where was he? Josh Heupel gets an extremely long leash because he quarterbacked OU to the 2000 national title. I understand that, but it shouldn't matter. If Jay Norvell was the play caller (and we all assume that he is not) he would be shredded for the inexplicably erratic performance of his co-worker. Six consecutive 3-and-out's in a loss to Texas Tech? 10 first half points in a loss to Baylor? And then we put Bell on ice until the last play of the game vs. an OSU squad that has shown great ineptitude at stopping bruisers at the quarterback position? I don't care if Barry Switzer is calling the plays. That's inexcusable.
• If you're unfamiliar with the tweeting habits of Kenny Stills and Tony Jefferson, allow me to simply explain to you that they drive many of us completely insane. If you're unfamiliar with my feeling on each player, I wrote a piece on Stills after the Texas game, applauding No. 4 for providing the Sooners with attitude and swagger, and at the end of last season I made the comment that Jefferson would be better than Roy Williams. For the pair to frustrate me to this point is noteworthy. On the surface, nothing that either of them said Saturday night was enough to push me over the edge. Rather, it was the latest piece of mounting evidence that each of them take their own personal celebrity more seriously than they take winning football games. After every loss this season, Stills and/or Jefferson has made disparaging comments toward infuriated fans, taking little or no responsibility for the loss, and thanking "true fans" for enabling their care-free behavior. I understand that Twitter must be a scary place for unsuspecting players following a loss. I empathize and even sympathize with the nonsense that each of them has to sift through. But, that doesn't excuse either of them from owning a loss just as they do a win. Like clock work, both of them will be on Twitter no less than an hour following a loss "lol'ing" at Sooner Nation for being upset and thanking the "true fans" that are busy trying to get a spot in the entourage. No one wants to hear about "regrouping" for the Insight Bowl after the worst OSU beat down in the history of Bedlam.
• Alabama may be better than OSU. They may not be. The Tide lost to the top ranked team in the country by 3 points. OSU lost to Iowa State by 6. Do the Pokes still have a more impressive resume? Sure, you could argue that. But you can also argue for Alabama. The fact that no one from outside of the SEC received an invite to the SEC Invitational doesn't bother me. What DOES bother me, however, is the fact that the mothership was scrolling that LSU would meet Alabama for the BCS championship late Saturday night. ESPN is no longer in the business of reporting the news. Now, the network insists on making the news. But, courtesy of its absolute monopoly on the sports media industry, I was left attacking @espn as I watched Sportscenter...
• Belittling OSU for its sub-Mendoza line Bedlam batting average while they lead by 41 in the fourth quarter is pathetic. Those comments typically always come from those who picked OU as their favorite college football team using much of the same logic that goes into selecting the New York Yankees or New England Patriots as your favorite professional team, while living in the mid-south. Ignoring small problems will turn into big problems, just as focusing on the past will wreck the future. Stoops has downplayed the Sooners' struggles all season long. Heupel has been above reproach. Then, in the finale, all of what ails the program erupts in a sort of perfect microcosm, and we're going to ignore it still? Who cares about 82-18-7? I care about 9-3 from a team that seemed destined for 13-0. And, for the record, I didn't put that bulls-eye on them. They did — the moment a defense that ranks 62nd in total defense and 77th vs. the pass (worse than Texas Tech, by the way) began referring to itself as the "Sharks."
Evan Lee is among the most objective college football fans I have ever met. He is also an OSU alum. "I might like to add that studs from Texas couldn't care less about what happened the past 8 years," he said. "The go Daddy's of the lone star state that make up these teams go see an A&M team that can't win in the big 12 and just fired a coach, a Texas team that got murdered by Baylor and an OSU team that looks a whole lot like Oregon circa Dennis Dixon when USC 'would never be unseated.'" SC didn't fall behind Oregon, but the Ducks have managed to catch them. Southern Cal was 33-12-2 vs. Oregon prior to 2000. Nike U has taken 5 of 6 since the turn of the century. A wealthy alumnus and a shoe brand willed the Fightin' Ducks to relevance. That should sound familiar.
Come to think of it, though, ignoring what is in front of us and refusing to adapt out of sheer bullheadedness is a page out of Brent Venables' playbook. So, perhaps, several of your reactions were more appropriate than mine.
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